I have always been a person to love fresh starts; the promise of improvement in every aspect of life delighted me, therefore it’s no surprise that I adore starting a new year. However, this year I wasn’t able to appreciate this reset button as I was too busy trying to hold myself together. Now that I’m finally out of that dark place, I am going to take this halfway mark of the year as a new beginning. I have decided on three aims for this year, so I can make these months very progressive!
My goal for 2018.5 is to make good strides on my journey to recovery! I know that starting back at uni will be hard since I hate travelling, but with all the strategies that I have learnt I should be able to manage. I also wish to devote more time to my friendships; last year I wasn’t in a place that was compatible with me being a good, supportive friend. Although I tried my best, when my biggest obstacle of the day was eating three meals I didn’t have the strength to meet up with my friends.
Another wish for this “year” is to become a lot more healthier. Eating well and exercising has never been a priority for me, but now that I have pushed my body to the extremes I now realise I need to respect it. With a really strong link between the gut and mental health, I need to be eating a lot better and although it’s hard I am determined to try. In addition, many depression and anxiety sufferers rave about the benefits of exercise which is something that I really should try. I start and stop with exercising, but I need to dedicate myself to my yoga, which is very mindful therefore even better for you!
My third aim is to feel proud of myself, it’s so easy to forget how hard you have worked but when you celebrate and make an occasion, your achievement seems a lot more real. Personally, I believe in celebrating every single tiny victory, but with recovery from anxiety and depression it’s not so easy. Unlike recovering from alcoholism or bulimia, you can’t put a number on how many days that you have been “clean” so it’s hard to quantify how far you have come. Additionally, anxiety and depression will flare up at stressful points in your life but by coping with it well you are doing amazing – rather than letting it consume you. However, when I look back I can see I have made a MASSIVE improvement, from being unable to leave the house to going on nights out and holidays abroad – something I never thought possible when I spent weeks lying on the bathroom floor. This is something that I should be celebrating, so I think I will have a celebratory event!
Something I wish to continue, is helping other people as it has been immensely rewarding. This difficult past year, I have learned an unbelievable amount and I have developed such key skills like compassion, understanding and strength. One of my fresh starts was making this blog – I was going to make this blog to help people and it would make good use of my suffering. And I feel I have achieved that goal, not solely from the blog, but definitely from being open about my illness. As a consequence, more than twenty people have confided in me about their own struggles and whenever they tell me I have helped them everything seems worth it. This is something I wish to carry on into my fake “new half year” and I’m sure I will.
I have been desperate to close this chapter of my life, since it has been excruciatingly hard to work and study alongside battling severe depression and anxiety. In addition to my mental illness, a lot of traumatic things have happened this year that have caused logical nerves and time to get over, which I feel has been delaying my full recovery. However, although I still have a way to go I feel like I’m in the epilogue of this journey – or at least the last chapter. I hope I can achieve the goals I have set for myself and, although, they will be hard, I know I can do it, as I have faced challenges before.